It’s good to remember

Sometimes God lets other people in on what God has planned for our lives before God lets us know. Sometimes God lets someone else in on a chunk of the plan; other times only a glimpse. This is about a glimpse.

Blake and I were commissioned as field personnel (read “missionaries”) last Wednesday night. It was a very special service and we are very grateful to the friends and family that came to express their support for our calling. While we were standing on the stage with the other newly appointed field personnel for our prayer of commissioning, I made the mistake of looking at my mother. I had already determined that I wasn’t going to look at Mom Hart because I figured the thought of sending her youngest to Chile might put her over the edge. My own mother has seven children and I always assume that, since she has so many, our leaving for South America won’t really put a damper on family occasions. I’m sure she would argue that fact and I know it’s silly of me to think that way, but percentage-wise, Blake and I make up a very small portion of the Ludlow family.

When I saw Mom’s tear-stained cheeks and the face that told me she was struggling to keep it together, I immediately joined her in her tears. I didn’t know why she was crying, but that didn’t really matter. All that mattered were the tears. Before I knew it, looking her way was causing me to get close to hiccuping. I averted my eyes and regained my composure, still wondering what it was that had made her cry so much. Would she miss my hugs? Or was she thinking about the line she’d have to stand in to get her passport?

By the time the service was over and it was time for the reception, Mom’s tears had slipped my mind. When she came to hug my neck and tell me how proud she was, she told me why she was crying and it really touched my heart. She reminded me of my father’s mother, who died when I was seven. Every year, Grandma would buy ornaments for each of her grandchildren and for a couple of years, for some odd reason, she randomly bought me religious themed ornaments. One year it was the Holy Family. Another year it was an angel. As I was a rather high-energy child, I’ve always figured she thought I really needed Jesus–moreso than my other siblings and cousins. Since Grandma’s death, Mom has continued buying us ornaments. Every once in a while, in an effort to remind me further of Grandma, she buys me a church or an angel or something.

When Mom hugged me at the reception she told me that it had dawned on her during the service that maybe Grandma knew something the rest of us didn’t. Maybe Grandma knew God had something special mapped out for my life and that’s what drove her to the religious ornaments. Maybe he’d given her a glimpse and that was her way of sharing it. I was so young when Grandma died, that I sometimes feel guilty for not remembering her more. It seems like she’s always been gone, so it doesn’t seem like she’s missing during so-called milestone times. I’m very grateful to my mother for helping me remember her as Blake and I start this journey of faith.

Perhaps churches and Holy Familes were all that was left on the shelves during her after-Christmas ornament shopping those years or perhaps she really wanted Jesus to calm me down and make me sit still in my chair, but this year when I hang them on my tree, I’ll think about something different.

In loving memory of Robbye Roebuck Ludlow. 1914-1992. I love you, Grandma.

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9 Responses to It’s good to remember

  1. Kathy Hart says:

    This was beautiful, Bekah, and what a loving tribute to your grandmother. She’s probably up there in that “cloud of witnesses” smiling from ear to ear and saying, “That’s my granddaughter!”

  2. Jaimie says:

    I recall too, wondering why it was she seemed to choose religious ornaments for you! Of course, I chalked it up to the need for you to “sit still”!! What a blessing all these years later! Please don’t think that just because there are soooo many of us that you will somehow not be missed! I guess I should look into getting passports for my clan. I think they would enjoy a visit to your home on the coast!! Love you both very much!!

    • CJ Wehmiller says:

      Bekah – So touching. It was all I could do to hold it together when I read it (I am at work). Jack and I are so blessed to be a part of your and Blake’s journey.

  3. Randy Shepley says:

    Bekah – what a powerful and well-written reflection. Your calling has been nourished through three generations, and for eternity in the heart of God. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  4. Kenny Park says:

    Bekah –
    I was thrilled to see that the CBF was sending someone to north Chile.
    I grew up in Antofagasta. My brother (born there) now lives in Osorno.
    Would love to keep in touch and partner with you all in prayer (and, hopefully, support) as you start out on this journey.

    Un abrazo Chileno fuerte, y, bienvenidos!

  5. bekahhart says:

    Thank you, all, for your responses. I’ve enjoyed reading them. Thanks for letting me bare my soul a little.

  6. Loved this! I love how God was giving you lil sneak peeks at your future as you grew up and how now it is all clicking together. How beautiful 🙂

  7. Crystal Roland says:

    Bekah, I just wanted to tell you I knew ya’ll were going to be missionairies but I had no idea what that included. I love the way you told of you seeing your mom crying and then finding out why.(I cried like a baby reading it) it really touched my heart. Sometimes you can look back on things from your past and see how they helped you get where you are today. I will pray for you and Blake and will try to help where I can. I know God will bless you and the people you will be witnessing to. Love you both, Crystal

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