Anita’s Forever Family

As most of you probably have figured out, I don’t really “do” babies right now. Two weeks ago I went to a service where there was a newborn and I couldn’t even look at the child’s mother. We were pregnant at the same time and I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at that baby or her mother without feeling pangs of sadness, resentment, guilt, etc.

The Power of Words

I hope that at five months out, people will receive what I have to say better than they would have when I really wanted to write it. I realized, then, that people might view my words as in-the-moment grief, anger, or insanity, so I decided to wait until there was a little more time between me and November to write this post. After a recent conversation on a stillbirth forum, I realized that I am not the only person who needs to write this blog. I write this for me and for the people I am connected to through our common grief…

Marco’s Story

Yesterday afternoon at the children’s home I had the privilege of observing a young father with his infant son. During visitation hours most of the visitors are women, so I’m always intrigued when a father comes. After a few short minutes watching Marco* play with Francisco*, it was obvious to me that Marco cared a great deal for his son. Most dads stand awkwardly by their child’s crib and pet them like they’re visiting a puppy at an animal shelter. Not Marco. He laughed, played and cuddled his son. While Francisco napped, Marco put him down and played with the other babies.

Family, Powdered Sugar and Fundraising

People quite frequently ask Blake and me what’s the hardest thing about our jobs/life-calling as missionaries. There are lots of hard things, but I’ve decided to narrow today’s post down to my top three: (1) being far from loved ones (especially in a crisis), (2) dealing with unsatisfactory cake icing and (3) fundraising.

Returning to Our Life

We returned to Chile a week and a half ago. After spending three months driving back and forth between families, we were ready. We are both grateful for the time we were able to spend grieving with our loved ones, but it was definitely time to get back to our work here in Arica. Now I guess it’s time to let you know how we’re handling being back and what we’ve been up to so far.

Moving Forward

The past few months have been a journey that Bekah and I never wanted to take. Not a day goes by that we don’t think about our dear Silas. Remembering and mourning his all-too-short life is still a major part of our existence, and, for me at least, questions and doubts still plague my life. I don’t know if there will ever come a day in which we don’t think about our precious son. All that being said, however, we’re ready to go back.

Where This Journey Began

The following is an excerpt from something I wrote in 2006 as a senior in college. As I process my own son’s death, I remember the start of our family’s tragic journey of mourning our sons, nephews and grandsons…